piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
