Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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