By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
