pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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