Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
