Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
