So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Did I show you my penis last night?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
