Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
