boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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