so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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