I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
whose ass print is on the piano?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
