I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
