from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
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You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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