WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
