shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This girl is more easily done than said...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
