Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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