i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
