on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
