I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
