Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm too high and old for this...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
