youre lurking in front of me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
