Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.