she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize