I think I died a long time ago.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My feet surprised me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
