They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hippo gnu deer
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
