If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
