Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
