Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
