I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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