i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
