I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
