why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize