Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
