i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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