There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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