Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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