need another drink. this is the easiest way
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
