Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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