The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
