Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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