omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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