happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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