Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
