you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
