lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
