i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
