Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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