i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
