i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
