This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
