so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
