after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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