i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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