Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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