Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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