I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just want to make out with him forever
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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