can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
