"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
