Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
