i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
