She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
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All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize