I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
