Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
